Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
