actually, I'm a sock model
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Drunk is not a location!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
