Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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