I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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