Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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