the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize