I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
