so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
