I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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