I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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