Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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