??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
