I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
