I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
why is half of my head shaved?
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