I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
