dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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