Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
organizing the empties. That sober.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
