I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
