I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
