OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
