dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You need Xanax blowdarts
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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