these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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