I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
