And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
