If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
