Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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