I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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