If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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