i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
