if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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