yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
