You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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