Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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