My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
