Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
