Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
