Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
