I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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