Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
