weddingsv make me drug and hornr
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
