All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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