he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
