Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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