my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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