just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
