There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
