I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
