she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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