the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
