she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize