After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
