In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
