We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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