Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm like, not good at living.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
