This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
