how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
