i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
