he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
