he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
