I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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