I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She's the barista slut.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
