So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
