I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
