Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
